God, could u rewind the time till 13th october 2009?

You must be wondering why i am typing everything here. Bcoz this is the only way to express myself totally. After everything that happened, i dont know why i still love u as much as before. I still want to be with u. Perhaps its being stupid. But its me. Its my heart. My heart is hurting so deeply that i am as good as dead.

I know that u have alr learn to live without me. Perhaps u have forgotten me. I dont know. But from the signs i am getting, i guess so. You wont know how much i have been through this few days. This few weeks. All i can say is, i am as good as dead. Seeing u being so happy without me, i couldnt bear to even think of getting back with u. Maybe its heaven's will that we wouldnt be together. I wish i could defy heaven. But i cant.

You once said this to me, if u dont love a person, u wont even care abt him. Now i understand. All i cant understand is, why u bear to let a 5 month relationship get destroyed by a friendship of 2 weeks. The only, only answer i could think of is, u really liked him. If being with him u will feel happier, i will just disappear.

I really dont know how to exactly tell u how i feel. But i cant do anything right. Cried many times. Sat alone at the park, crying. Like an idiot. Even after crying, i dont feel any better. The love for u i have, is too deep. I dont understand why. I just dont. I have been really confused over what happened. Totally. Seriously. I have no answer to every single thing that happened. And no reason to whatever u are doing. Maybe we are just not meant to be. I am trying my very best to let u go, to forget u. But i just cant. Every day, every hour, every min, every sec, my mind is just all abt u. Whatever i do, be it before i slp, when i am bathing, in mrt trains or buses, working, even when i am gaming and with my friends, i cant stop thinking of u.

My mind is a total blank now. i dont know what to do. Wanting u so badly, loving u so deeply, but i know its all impossible between us. I really dont know what u want. I really dont. All i can say is, i lost my girlf to someone else. Being so useless and hopeless now.

Sorry to disturb u, but i just want to let u know how i really feel. Why do we have to become like this. Why. I know even after typing so much, its no use. So, i will just try to forget u. If i can. Being with me for 5 months, u should know i am nt very good with my words. I apologise for that. Throughout this 5 months, we did many many things together. I shall nt mention them in case my tears just flow down again. Yours hugs and kisses, really had to make my day. Being with u, i never regretted. Even if i could rewind time, and knowing that things would be like this in the end, i would still choose to be with u. Call me dumb. I dont care. Once i love someone, i just want to be with her.

Maybe, its time to really let go. I know i cant. But your doings and actions have proved that i have to leave. I just want to wish u all the best. And good luck. Last long with whoever u are with now, or going to be with.

This is getting a little too long. So, in short, i love u. And i want u badly.
If u are already attached or dont love me anymore, just pls tell me something. Dont just keep quiet. I need an answer. So i can move on in life. Or do what i have to do. Dragging is too painful. Just to painful for me to handle. Even if we cant be together anymore, at least there was the memories from the past. Thanks for them. I know the reason u dont want to give me an answer is bcoz u think that i will ignore u. But we still can be friends.